Maurice’s grip saves Porky’s bacon

Ably assisted by Maurice’s new grip, Porky at last gained his revenge yesterday. They beat me and Bob three and two on the final day of the winter league and cast a gloom around a clubhouse that was waiting to heap more mockery on Porky’s head.
Porky, a fierce five-handicapper, had twice been on the losing side to me, a wretched 28 handicapper, and was finding it a difficult humiliation to live down. Then, fate decreed we were drawn to play against each other again yesterday.
Since we had both won three matches in the ten-week session, neither of us were involved in the tussles at the top or the bottom of the table. But with Porky’s pride on the line there was a lot at stake.
And we set off in an appropriately murky atmosphere as a thick fog enveloped the course. We have a shot-gun start and visibility was very poor as over 100 golfers set off to find their allocated tees and locate their opponents. Al Hyett told us later that he’d shaken hands with a man walking his dog.
We were off the eighth and although Maurice and I were waiting only about 140 yards from the tee we couldn’t see a thing and had to listen intently for sound of our partners’ drives and the thump of the ball landing.
Although the big-hitting Porky easily out-drove Bob, his ball landed near some trees which Maurice promptly hit. Bob’s drive had at least been straight and I struck what sounded like a good shot and it turned out to be not far from the front of green.
So we were one up and as we walked to the next tee I told Maurice how much I was looking forward to seeing his new grip in action. Maurice had been very excited about the grip he’d acquired the previous week after Porky had given him an emergency lesson.
They’d been three up with three to play and lost on the first sudden death hole. Porky who had restrained himself for weeks finally broke his silence and suggested Maurice did something about the way he held the club. There were about three or four inches between his hands.
Maurice said he’d always gripped the club like that and no-one had ever mentioned it before. Porky explained that while it was ok to have a baseball grip it was difficult to hit the ball with the hands so far apart.
He introduced him to the interlocking grip, as used by top pros, and immediately Maurice felt more in control and after a few practice sessions was hitting the ball a lot better.
But the acid test was how it would go in a competition and as we looked into the bank of fog ahead of us I said: ’At least, you should hit it out of sight.’
So he did. It went straighter and further than mine and Porky was delighted. But Bob and I weren’t playing badly and after the third hole we were two up and looking good. But thanks to two very good shots by Maurice we had lost that lead by the sixth and never reclaimed it.
We were two down with three to play and although Maurice’s tee shot on the next wasn’t very good mine was bloody awful and we were on our way to defeat.
Back in the bar, the mood was subdued. Even men who hadn’t been playing turned up to gloat but Porky was all grins. Dr Emyr Davies, a local GP, had been ready to deliver an official-looking medical certificate which certified that Peter ‘Porky’ Edmunds is suffering for ‘Corriganitis’ and is unable to follow his golfing career for the rest of the season.
But we’ve had a good laugh and everyone is delighted that Maurice has a new grip that will carry him on to new heights. However, he confessed that while it is going well on the course it has yet to work well when he’s having a pee.

3 thoughts on “Maurice’s grip saves Porky’s bacon

  1. Sad news on Porky’s revenge but please keep the articles coming, a wonderful lighthearted start to he week.

  2. Very enjoyable but you are taking the ‘snakes’ competion too seiously. I suggest you have rest after 6 holes and get Maurice to have pee and practice his grip.

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