Brave Bill
a solitary hero

Despite a brave single-handed display by 19 handicapper Bill Gill, our winter league championship went to Peter ‘Porky’ Edmonds and Dave Kent while Bill’s partner was sunning himself on a beach in Majorca.

Our winter league is a foursomes event for pairs with a minimum combined handicap of 20 and the match format is half the difference. But when one of the pair doesn’t turn up his partner has to give the full difference to their opponents — a draconian punishment but it encourages regular attendance.

Bill’s partner is Bob Edwards and are both retired solicitors. It’s amazing that when solicitors retire they don’t seem to play as much golf as when they working but that’s just a passing thought.

But they have been bang on form lately and were the only pair to storm through the post- Christmas session unbeaten which meant they would play the winners of the pre-Christmas session for the overall championship.

They didn’t seem to expect this because Bob had already booked a holiday in Majorca which mean he wouldn’t be here for the final.

Having been a leading divorce lawyer in the area Bob now seems to be hell bent on being Wales’s leading holidaymaker which is bound to have its inconveniences.

There was talk that he would fly back for the final but that proved to be impossible so Bill was left with a quandary because he was facing a suicide mission.

Porky plays off a hot-shot five while Dave is a bandit of 17 and Bill had to give them five shots. Was it worth the effort? Bill, never shy of accepting a challenge, decided to go ahead and with chief snake, Peter James, as referee and club captain, Leon Reece, in attendance, set off to play way above his handicap.

He lost the first, halved the second but won the third. He then parred the par-five fourth to go one up against his startled opponents. He was doing most of his damage with a rescue club that was flying long and straight.

It helped that Dave Kent was having a bad time and swearing at himself. Porky was assisting in this direction.

They halved the fifth and then Bill lost the sixth to go back to all square. On the short seventh he put his rescue club stone dead to retake the lead. On the par four eighth he hit two cracking rescues to get a half and go up the ninth one up.

But the pressure began to tell and he missed a couple of short putts to go two down after 11 and after 14 was four down.

The 15th is a long, uphill par four and Bill gained a magnificent par while Porky and Dave could only scramble a five. But they had a shot which made it a half and Bill lost 4 and 3.

Captain Leon said it was a great performance. ‘It just shows what a hacker with a deadly rescue club can do.’

Bill would have been the honoured centre of attraction at the prize presentation supper at the club tomorrow night. Unfortunately, he’s gone to Portugal on holiday. It is a lesson to all winter league golfers. Get your bloody priorities right.

2 thoughts on “Brave Bill
a solitary hero

  1. Just back from Mallorca and delighted to hear of the heroic exploits of Bill. By the reception I’ve received from the members of The Glamorganshire it seems that I’m now persona non grata so I’ve decided to push off to another island retreat until all the fuss has died down.
    Much as I would have loved to return half way through my extended vacation to honour my golfing commitment, my dear wife put me on a three line whip and made it quite clear that all those years that I practised divorce law wasn’t going to save me from the torments that she would inflict for seeking to breach the whip.
    Bill remains devastated as it was a glorious opportunity to have his name in gold leaf. The argument that his heroics will be remembered well after the gold leaf fades into obscurity doesn’t seem to appeal to him. As he has put it so succinctly, “If only you got off your fat arse and returned we would have beaten those hollow victors by a country mile”. Maybe time will prove to be a great healer for Bill but as he was a top flight litigation lawyer I doubt it. I’m expecting a writ for exemplary damages any day now.

    • Such public humiliation of Bob Edwards is beyond the pale and The Hacker needs to understand that besides the risk of domestic harmony Bob’s kind invitation to me and my wife to spend a few days with him in Mallorca, meant that the rules of hospitality (be there when guests arrive which in this case coincided with the exact time that Bill Gill was valiantly playing his legendary round of golf) outweighed the calls even of the Snakes final. In any event if they wanted the attendance of someone with as many commitments as Bob (his numerous foreign holidays aside) surely they needed to tell him at least a year in advance that he was likely to be in the Final. Would Rory or Tiger (whose hourly rates pale into insignificance against Bob’s) be willing or able to turn up on just a week’s notice and at their own expense?!
      In the meanwhile can I suggest that if The Glamorganshire isn’t going to enshrine Bill’s name and accomplishment in gold leaf that serious consideration should be given to erecting a statue of him alongside the fifteenth green where he eventually gave up the ghost.

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